Wednesday, September 7, 2011

The Time I Looked High As A Kite / Wednesday, September 7

Let me begin by saying I've never been high in my life. 


That's a lie.

There was the time I got all four wisdom teeth ripped out of my head removed and the painkillers they gave me were seriously trip-inducing.

I took those babies one time and decided ibuprofen was more my speed from there on out. 

Or the time in high school I had mono, pneumonia and bronchitis simultaneously, so they gave me Tylenol w/ codeine.

There was a 30-minute long distance phone conversation during that recuperation with a boy I'd met the summer before. 

I still don't recall any details other than being excited that he was calling.

David Guadnola from Pueblo? You should totally call me back. I have no idea what we discussed. 

Or if I need to apologize. 

Or what I agreed to, come to think of it. 

I guess that makes my opening statement something more along the lines of, "I've never been high on anything not prescribed for me."

Clear? K. Good.

Here's one of the places I hung out today. 

Can you guess what it is? 

Let's see ... torture devices, seemingly out of place wall hangings, mirrors .... must be the optometrist's office!

As always, you are correct.

Since I'm diabetic, I get to go get my 'balls dilated every fall.

I choose fall because .... uh ... yeah, I didn't choose fall. Feel free to make up a reason on my behalf and leave it in the comments.

In fact, please do.

That way I don't have to think one up.

Thank you!

You're so giving.

So after I looked through the cabinets and licked one of the lenses in the drawer (what?), I decided this was my opportunity to take a before and after shot.

First, though, I'd like to apologize for the photo quality.

I clearly hadn't thought this through very well, and all I had was my mobile phone.

Remember, around here, enthusiasm trumps skill!

Okay, so here are my pupils before ...

Nice and normal, right?

Fifteen minutes later, it was a totally different story.

Are you ready? Are you ready?

I was ready.

But the nurse I blindsided to help me out had never used a phone to take a photo before, so there was a tutorial.

And then I got to hear about WHY she never had taken a phone photo before.

And then I got to hear all about how her entire family has picture phones, but she doesn't.

And how they use them like cuh-razy, but she 'just don't understand why.'

Bless her heart, she helped me out anyway.

And when I asked her to get in as close as she could, my poor eyes tried really hard to focus.

I am not normally cross-eyed. 

Or look like I'm in dire need of a bag of Doritos and box of Twinkies. 

Lord knows I'd never turn down a Twinkie, though. 

Turns out, I don't need drugs to be goofy ... or get the munchies.

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